Confessions of a Single Wife – How to Date Without Marrying

Listen. I have a problem. I’m a wife.

A single wife.

You heard right.
I am a wife without a husband.
This means – you treat your “person,” the one you are dating, like your husband -when they are not.
I am not the only one guilty of this. Many women are.
I’m here to help. Follow me…

1. Boundaries – Are AWESOME. Use them. You do not have to go above and beyond ALL THE TIME. It’s just how you are, I know, but calm down.

2. Availability – No. You are NOT available ALL THE TIME. Remember that life you enjoyed before them? (Because you SHOULD have been enjoying life while you were actively waiting for your person, right? Right??? Ok. Good) You still have it. You still love to read, listen to music, hang out with your girlfriends, art classes, lounges and lazy Rom-Com binge sessions in your pajamas all day. Just a reminder. You’re welcome.

3. You can NOT MOVE IN. That’s all.

4. You do not have to give an account of your whereabouts unless you want to.

5. Do NOT make life-shaping and life-changing decisions based on your person. You’re just dating.

**Side note regarding above mentioned sacrifice:

“Sarah Whitton, a psychologist and researcher at Boston University, found that men and women view it differently. “The gender differences are the big story here,” she says about the research she’s done on this topic. “The main thing our study shows is that women tend to act like they are married — making sacrifices like spending Christmas with their boyfriend’s family and moving across the country for someone who may not yet have fully committed to them.”

Whitton says that while women make these big sacrifices thinking that it means the relationship is headed toward marriage, men often don’t see it that way at all.”
-Hanna Seligson

Rule of thumb and one of my favorite sayings:
Don’t make someone a priority when you’re only an option.
That was number six by the way.

7. Boundaries – YEP! AGAIN! You’re not picking up all his dry cleaning, ironing and washing his clothes, cleaning the apartment thoroughly…NO! Slow down, girl. You’re not his wife. Just a reminder. You’re welcome.

8. You’re amazing – just thought I’d let ya know. 🙂

9. Take your time – there is beauty in the process. The development and cultivation of a lasting bond is priceless. You’ll also be able to see red flags such as selfish, controlling, manipulative or ungodly like behavior.

10. Love you most of all – self explanatory!

Have an awesome night you single wife – just reel it in! 😉

~Aisha Antoinette

P.S. Although this was light-hearted, it is an issue that many women face, especially Christian women who are in preparation of becoming a wife one day. Proper time and place is key and discernment is vital. God bless you.

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Day 1: Start Here #31DayReset

So, I’ve decided to do this #31DayReset Challenge (AGAIN) another blogger has started on her page. The purpose of this challenge this month is to renew, refresh and reset you! You guys know I am all for that! If you join:

You’ll get exercises to help you:

  • Get out of an unsatisfying rut
  • Rediscover who you truly are
  • Develop a personal mission statement
  • Create a map for your ideal life
  • Envision and pursue your passion and purpose
  • Get clear about your goals for the future
  • Eliminate limiting beliefs that are holding you back from being happy
  • Experiment with new strategies for living a healthy life
  • Strengthen important relationships
  • Cultivate the entrepreneurial spirit within
  • …and much more!
~Happy Black Woman
Check out the Happy Black Woman’s blog to get started!
Ok, so let’s get started! Today’s exercises included choosing a reset notebook. I just bought a blank notebook with a Peacock on the front (love them) and was planning on journaling in Florida while I was on vacation but this came at the right time! God had other plans. 🙂
My Reset Journal
Secondly, we have  to choose a personal mantra!
My Personal Mantra
This is what I live by! It inspires and motivates me!
Lastly, our Theme Song!
My Theme Song
Theme Song Lyrics
I woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I’m living, I’m able,
I’m breathing, I’m grateful
To put on my happy faceWoke up and realized
This world’s not
So bad after all
Looked at it through
A child’s eyes, and
I saw these beautiful
Things that you
Never think about
Like the ocean, moonlight,
Stars and clouds
It’s amazing how
We don’t appreciate
Our blessings
There’s plenty of people
Who don’t like me
But there’s ten times more
Who love me and
I love myself
Sometimes, it gets tough,
It gets tough
But I can’t give up,
Can’t give up
Just take a deep breath,
Close my eyes
Feel the love and
Give a smileI woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I’m living, I’m able,
I’m breathing, I’m grateful
To put on my happy faceI woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I’m living, I’m able,
I’m breathing, I’m grateful
To put on my happy face

It’s me,
I just wanna be happy
Uh, just be happy, uh,
Just be happy
Today is the day
I am willing to say
I will put all the
Past behind me,
No more enemies
Ready ’cause
(Ready ’cause)
I’m living in this world
(Lving in this world)
I wanna make a change
(Wanna make a change)
Gonna make a change
(Gonna make a change)
Put on my happy face

I woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I’m living, I’m able,
I’m breathing, I’m grateful
To put on my happy face

Everything’s gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be okay
Everything’s gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be okay
Gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be okay
Gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be okay
Gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be all right
Everything’s gonna be all right,
Everything’s gonna be okayI woke up this morning,
The sunshine was shining
I put on my happy face
I’m living, I’m able,
I’m breathing, I’m grateful
To put on my happy face
This song cannot help but put me in an amazing mood! I play it almost every morning! Life is so beautiful, precious, and amazing if only we’d take the time to internalize that…
This 31 day challenge is off to an amazing start!
What’s your personal mantra? What are some words of wisdom that you live by? Do you have a theme song? If so, what is it? If not, what would it be?
Share in the comments below!
See ya tomorrow for Day 2!
~Aisha Antoinette